Thursday, March 12, 2009

The Big Fight

My honey and I have been married for 10 1/2 years. I can honestly say I would marry him all over again. He is my best friend, love of my life-- my soulmate. One of the things I love most about my marriage is our communication. Both of us have worked hard to learn how to communicate our thoughts, feelings and needs in a healthy way. Because of this we don't really fight. We argue, get frustrated... disagree. We don't raise our voices, call each other names or throw things at each other. I feel like we talk through issues without stuffing our feelings or blowing up at each other.

However, for the first 7 years of marriage we had the same hiccup every quarter. It became kind of comical. It goes like this. I would ask Tim to do something (take some big item to the dump, clean out his closet, move something upstairs or to the attic, take something to Goodwill, etc). You know those mundane kind of tasks. What would happen is Tim would forget. He has the best of intentions with the worst memory. I, in turn, would get frustrated and start to think irrational women thoughts,

"If he thought about me once during the day he would remember that I asked him to bring a gallon of milk home."

"If he loved me as much as I love him he would have taken that pile to Goodwill today."

"I know he saw that huge box that needs to go to the dump right in front of him and he is ignoring it and trying to tick me off."

All of those above statements were not true. He does love me. He does think about me during the day (it just has nothing to do with a gallon of milk ;-), and he isn't trying to get back at me or tick me off.

We became stuck between forgetfulness and nagging. NOT A FUN PLACE TO BE for either of us. So somewhere along the way we got the idea. How about a reminder board (as he calls it). How about a nag board (as I call it).

THE ANSWER TO OUR BIG FIGHT!

Rules for the nag reminder board.

1. When I write something on there I forget about it. I don't stew until it gets done. Once it is on the board I free Tim to get it done.
2. He has three days to get the task on the board done unless otherwise agreed upon.
3. After 3 days if it is not done he has to drop everything and do it right then and there.

It works great...he is reminded and I know I will get that thing done within 3 days. 99% of the time it is one in 1 day. I think I only got to act on #3 twice. Pure bliss! However, we have struggled in our new house to find a place to put the board where he sees it. So he came up with the brilliant idea...HIS COFFEE CABINET!

So I found cork tiles on clearance at Tar-Jay. I got my trusty exacto knife and straight edge ready to go. But what do you know...they fit perfectly in my cabinet. It was meant to be. AMAZING!


I mounted them with the 3M sticky mounts it came with but you could use Liquid Nails or any other strong adhesive. It fits perfectly and saves a fight. Yahoo!

Now I just have to make some cute coffee push pins like this (minus the magnet add a thumbtack) and find some things for dear hubs to do!

21 comments:

  1. Love that!!! You sound like us. Honestly, I could have written what you wrote and it would be right on for us. I love the idea, unfortunately (or fortunately) my husband doesn't drink coffee so I would have to find someplace else to put this.
    I do need some tips from you. I am painting a dresser that was given to us. It is a long dresser with very clean lines. I want to do the black distressed look but am not sure really how to go about it. There is a VERY THIN coat of almost matte stain on the dresser and I would really prefer not to have to sand it all down. Give me your secrets girl. This is, by far, the biggest project I have tackled. If it comes out well, my husband said he would make a headboard for our mattress in the master room and I could paint it to match. :) I'm excited. In 10 years of marriage, I have never had a headboard. Sad huh?

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  2. That's a great idea! My hubby doesn't drink coffee (what is wrong with him???) but he does 'snack' a lot!

    I like it!

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  3. Great idea, but I would have to hang it on the TV screen, or somewhere on the wall above the toilet! :)
    those are the only two places he's SURE to visit every day!

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  4. Great idea.
    I'm going to share this with my hubby and see what he thinks.
    I never thought about it before.
    He always says "write it down..i will get to it". I never do because I feel like i'm leaving a list for the kids.
    however, this is different...IT'S CUTE!!!!!!!

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  5. Love...love...love it. Putting the cork board in a commonly used place is a great idea! I will have to try that one for our house.

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  6. I saw those at Tar-Jay the other day too! Great idea! =)

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  7. Fantastic! I will definitely need to introduce my hubby to the nag board lol! He needs some "help" in this area ;-)

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  8. Love your solution and the rules, and I have just the right cabinet for it. Now I just need the hubs to get back in town and stay there. The cabinets look fab!

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  9. You always come up with some clever ideas. I love to read your tutorials.

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  10. What a great idea! I think I need to make one for the kids (and myself) too! Thank you!

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  11. Great idea! It's so hard to get past those darn girly emotions and think rationally sometimes (or all the time) huh! Thanks for sharing... I like it!
    ~Jill

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  12. Love it! Love it!
    My husband loves for me to make lists, but I really love the three day rule!

    I grew up in a home where my mom nagged constantly. So I don't nag. But then I stew. So lists are great for both of us. But what I really love is the three days! gotta go see if Steve loves it :-)

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  13. Just found you thru Thrifty Decor Chick. And OMG, we have been married 9 years and have that fight every 3-4mths as well. And I swear your thoughts are mine. Well my hubby says to keep reminding him b/c he forgets, but I felt like I was nagging. You have given us the perfect solution...I love the 3 day agreement. Hopefully this is the solution to our problems!!! Thanks so much for sharing.

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  14. Brilliant!!! I'm sooooo starting this ASAP! Thanks.

    love ya!

    p.s how's boy genius and baby chunk? I'm missing them like crazy --even though I haven't even met her yet :(

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  15. A reminder/nag board! I love it! I may have to start impleminting the 3 day rule. great idea...

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  16. Thank you so much for all of your great ideas! I love looking at your blog. Right now, My husband and I are completely redoing our living room, and I have a entertainment center that is made out of the chip board (cheapo wood stuff) and I want to paint it black. Do you have any suggestions on how to do this the best way without having the paint bubble or run?

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  17. great idea! It's so nice when two people come up with a compromise... now I will go blog about mine....

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  18. great place to put it. So....note to all of Tim's friends (because I'm sure they read Beckie's blog...) Do not buy him any starbucks gift cards, because then he would not use his coffee cabinet and then he might forget to whatever was on the nag board!

    We also just got another sneekie peek at the cabinets! lookin' good

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  19. Can I get a little sappy for a minute? I absolutely love you for posting this idea! My DH admittedly has a horrible memory and we have tried everything we can possibly think of to find a solution we both agree on. We had a huge fight this afternoon and then I remembered reading this post yesterday. Let's just say tomorrow I'm going to pick up a board. I have a lot of faith that it will work. Thank you SO much for sharing this!

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  20. Oh good idea! I wonder if I could get my husband to agree to the 3 day thing. He'll probably need a week. I'm gonna post this on my Cranky Mommy blog! Do you date each slip of paper? And is there a consequence if he just doesn't do the task?

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  21. I wanted to comment on another one of your posts but I couldn't find the button.
    I was shocked to read someone else talking about The 5 Love Languages! Mine is physical touch. My husbands is Acts of Service. Which is not good because I am LAZY. I HATE house work. We clash.
    And the only person I have to talk about it is my dad, and I don't want to talk to him about it.

    So yeah. It was really, really cool to see that written there. Thanks for making my day <3

    Also, I love this idea! I am so making a nag board for us.

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Wow thanks for taking time to comment. You like me...you really, really like me.