How do you have time for all your projects being a mommy of two and keeper of your home?
There are times my house looks disgusting, the laundry gets piled up, dinner hasn't been thought about, the children are still in their jammies, I put Isaac in front of the TV all day, and I haven't taken a shower because I get immersed in a project. I will not lie. My husband gets frustrated with all my projects when they take up all my time and space in our house. I am just like you, I promise. I don't have any super human powers.
But I had a conversation with my husband about three months ago. Actually I think it was an argument that turned into an eye-opening and life-changing moment in my marriage. I was upset because I felt like he didn't appreciate all I did to make our house a home. He was upset because I was so engrossed in projects and he was coming home to a wreck of a house and no dinner. So what came of this was that I asked my husband, "What are the three most important things you want from me on a daily basis when you come home from work?" (Besides seeing me naked cooking dinner...it ain't happening ;-)
He said...
1. "That the house is picked up"
2. "That you have a plan for dinner"
3. "and I have clean underwear and t-shirts"
I can't tell you how freeing that was. I CAN TOTALLY DO THOSE THINGS! So every morning I wake up and the first thing I do is take something out of the freezer to thaw for dinner. (I am a freezer meal freak...that is a post for another day...but it totally saves time and money). Around 4:00 I make sure the house is clean so that by 5:30 when Tim gets home it looks nice. I try to keep an eye out when the laundry pile is getting large and throw a few loads in throughout the day. In the forefront of my mind I am always asking myself "Is the top 3 done?" I tell myself I can't start projects until I get those done. Therefore, I do not dilly dally, I zip around my house like a mad women to get those 3 things done so that I can work on my projects.
Also, everyday Isaac sleeps from 2:00-5:00. He may wake up earlier but he knows he can't leave his room until 5:00 so he will just play in his room if it is before then. I also have timed Kayla to nap close to that time as well. I also involve Isaac in my projects. I let him paint and sand. Even if I have to redo it he feels valued and I get to keep working on my projects. I also get him to "help" me make dinner and empty the dishwasher. He has ownership in our house and he thinks he remodeled the kitchen. :-) In fact, yesterday he came downstairs after a nap and touched the cabinets and said to Tim, "Wow these cabinets are beautiful."
I will admit I am an insane multi-tasker. So I think that helps as well. I guess it just comes down to priorities. I love projects. I thrive on it. In fact, if I don't have a project I start begging my friends to decorate their houses. ;-) You usually make time for things that are important to you.
My husband was actually proud of me that I took such a slow time on the kitchen and didn't kill myself. A year ago I probably would have. But I give myself freedom to get things done slower so that I don't neglect my family.
I challenge you to ask your husband the same thing. You may be surprised by the answer. He has gotten better with praise for all the things I do to make our house a home and he is a happy because he is getting dinner.
That's so great...I'm a bit of a freak and have to have the project mildly cleaned up by the end of the night -- no matter where I am in it. I have to take everything down to the basement or something so I don't have to see it when I wake up. I HATE THAT. I can't wait to see more of your kitchen!! Hurry up!! Oh...sorry. :)
ReplyDeleteThat sounds oh so familiar...like this weekend!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty good at the laundry and dinner it's just the house and I can't seem to get too.
MY house is messy a lot. I think that is a good idea though because my hubby feels the same way! We might have to have a conversation!
ReplyDeleteI really appreciate your honesty! Truly refreshing.
ReplyDeleteI always forget about dinner. I stopped reading your post and took a lonon broil out of the freezer. Thank you !!!!
I am going to have this talk with hubby tonight!!!
I know of so many friends who that very question has changed their marriage. One husband just wanted the entry way clear of shoes. That's it! But stumbling over all the shoes to get in the door ruined his night.
ReplyDeleteMy husband is very easy. Sort of. He really just wants us happy. No crying children. No stressed out wife. So mmost days I work hard to get everyone happy (even if it means a snack right before dinner) so that he doesn't walk into chaos.
I think a lot of women just don't realize how much you "need" to do projects and how motivated you are. So many of us just aren't wired that way so it's hard for us to imagine.
You rock! :-)
This principle is promoted in The Five Love Languages — one of the best books anyone in a marriage could ever read! Sounds like Acts of Service is your hubby's primary language.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad that you are for real. : ) I don't do a lot of crafty things... but projects like organizing different areas (like my crazy master closet) and stuff tend to take me most of a day and clutter up different areas of the house... okay, so maybe several days. : ) Plus, I make piles for donations, pitching, etc and don't want to execute those until I'm sure I'm done. : ) So the rest of the house gets neglected. And let's face it, I don't enjoy cooking. I just don't. God didn't give me that... so I will procrastinate until the last minute (usually with puppy dog eyes awaiting the mercy of my hubby to order in) and then try to come up with something. I know dinner would be one of his top three. : (
ReplyDeleteCongrats on your communication! : ) And striving for the top 3.
Love it, Beck. I am working to learn the same lesson these days...although I often find myself thinking, "I wish I could multi-task like Beckie..." Sigh.
ReplyDeleteThank you for posting this. I will ask my husband that question tonight. What a simple way to solve a sometimes overwhelming situation. Not to mention the guilt that results from the situation that I got myself into in the first place! Do I make sense?
ReplyDeleteGreat post!! And thank goodness for nap time or nothing would get done in my house either!! I'm going to have to ask my hubby tonight what his top three are. I think his list will be the same and might include some saucier outfits for mommy as well! ;)
ReplyDeleteI could have written that post, honestly! Even down to the kiddos naps. My kids nap from 1-4pm (even my almost 5 year old and three year old). Although we are starting some negotiations with them on nap time. If they aren't asleep an hour into their nap time, they can choose to get up and play quietly in their room until the rest of nap time is over. If that is what they choose, then they are also choosing to go to bed an hour early. They usually take a nap!
ReplyDeleteI also try to do one load of laundry a day (this is a new thing since having our last child, as is freezing dinners). And I disinfect the kitchen and the kid's bathroom every day (I have two boys who miss the potty!) I was telling my sister-in-law about you and she said that if we lived close to each other you'd be someone we'd hang out with! I concur!!!
Beckie, This posting is great. And so is your honesty! xorachel
ReplyDeleteLove that you include Isaac in your projects and housework, even if it means redoing things. We do the same with Garrett and he is so proud of the things he gets to help with. Funny how letting them help just a little bit makes their day and totally avoids a meltdown.
ReplyDeleteI've been married for almost 17 years and this question is very important to ask and re-ask later in a couple years too. Since we all change a lil and with our growing kids things change in our home as well. You are an amazing woman! I live in Az, beautiful winters and spring. Hint, hint: you're MORE than welcome to come decorate my home!!LOL
ReplyDeleteThanks for your inspiration and friendlyness!
Girl, you have no idea how much your post here meant to me. My husband and I have had a terrible disagreement the other night about how much time I spend online facebooking/blogging. I was SOOOOOO upset. This is a good way to make sure both parties are happy, by opening up lines of communication. I will ask him a similar question, so that we can be on the same page again!
ReplyDeleteLove this post. I asked my husband the same thing about a year ago. I said, "I'm opening this door, so you better think about it and make it good, cuz when the doors closed, don't say I never gave you the chance!"
ReplyDeleteHe gave me basically the exact same 3 things (actually, the picked up house would be his last priority of the 3)...but you're right, it was freeing!
YOur kitchen looks Awesome!
I just found you today, but I've been wondering the same thing of many people. It's so great to hear the honest answers. Well, I SUPPOSE there are some people out there who do get to it all, but they never have a good answer as to how! I'd love to be able to quote your post on my blog.
ReplyDeleteWe are so much alike in so many areas that it's a little spooky ;)
ReplyDeleteIt took me a while to get things balanced between my insane need to create and trying to keep my family happy. It doesn't always work, but the basic needs are met. Once you know what those basic needs are, you can plan accordingly and that's a beautiful thing!